The change in Karl's mental state over the past week has been immense. It's been hard to watch and hard to deal with.
 He sees things that aren't here. Things are happening in his head that aren't happening for the rest of us and he can't separate what is in his head from reality. It's not constant, but it is frequent. Last night we'd just gotten him out of the shower and back into bed. He was wide awake. I was playing Rift with my friend Greg, in Texas. And Karl sat up and started complaining that he couldn't get into the game. He couldn't remember his password. I changed it, and he couldn't get in, and he wanted to play. He insisted that he was at his computer -- the computer I was at myself, ten feet away -- and that I had changed his information and was now lying to him.
 This morning, he was convinced that he was being given harmful pills by an old woman, that she was here and going to hurt him. When he realized he was home and safe, he cried because it's scary, to go in and out of reality. It's scary and confusing and exhausting.
 He forgets words. He forgets what things are, what things are for.
 These kinds of things are happening because, or so I've read, though the oxygen level in his blood shows that it's good when I check, his body isn't properly circulating it to his brain. Lack of oxygen to his brain makes him hallucinate.
 I can no logner leave him without another adult to stay with him. It's too muc responsibility for any of the kids and Karl sits up, tries to stand and doesn't know what's going on around him. Someone -- he or the kids -- could get hurt and I just can't risk that. I can't imagine how my kids would feel if he got hurt while they were watching.
 Olivia has come home early the last two days, claiming to have thrown up. There were no witnesses and she's acted perfectly healthy. I really think she's just stressed. I think she's afraid to be away from Karl. She's feeling insecure right now.
 Seth has had meltdowns every day for a week. He's losing sleep, he's feeling out of control. Overall he hasn't been to hard to deal with but I ache for him.
 Luke holds so much inside and I don't know how to draw him out. He knows more than the other two. Not because I've told him more, but because he's observant and far too smart for his own good; Seth is just as smart, really but a lot less mature, less able to see things outside of himself. Luke, though, quietly watches all of this happening and he's losing sleep, too. I go check on him at 12, 1,2 in the morning and he's laying in his bed in the dark, awake.
 I'm giving Karl his oxycodone around the clock now. Every three hours. I set alarms. It means I lose a lot of sleep, too, but even with this schedule he's still writhing in pain a good chunk of the time so I don't know whate else to do. It's not like I was sleeping much anyway. My mind is so full of things. How messy my house has gotten, how stressed my kids are, listening to the sounds of Karl moaning in pain all night, the lack of money, the worries about funeral costs and bill paying...
 I lost my job yesterday. I feel more relief than anything, to be honest. I know, that's crazy; I now have ONLY Karl's SSI income, and that will stop when he dies. So that should tell you how much I hated doing data entry, right? I was going to be productive today but I decided to just give myself a day. I'm not doing well at it. My mom came over to help me move a couple of heavy tables, a bookshelf and a saw out to the curb to offer for free. It was gone within 10 minutes. Mom and I watched, whispering cheers that it was all being taken. Woooo! I love to get rid of things. It's a favorite hobby of mine. I am constantly thinking, why do I have this? To goodwill with ye! Because I'm a dork like that. I've tried selling but no one wants to spend any money on anything. I did get $100 for the go cart a few weeks ago and another $124 for my yellow Kate Spade bag, but for the most part... stuff just isn't selling.
 I'm going to offer Karl's tools to my dad. He can have them ALL. Except one of each kind of screwdriver and a hammer. I don't know how or care to use ratchets or wrenches and whatnot anyway.
 I'm geting myself ready to get out of Arizona. I'm going to Texas. I'm looking forward to this huge change. It won't be for a few months after Karl passes, I don't want to change too much for the kids all at once. And I'll get their opinions, get them mentally prepared. I think they'll enjoy a change as much as I will. I think there will be people mad at me, but I'm past caring. The people who matter, understand. Suzy, Chris, my parents, Velia, Paige.