The idea that she could be anything less than beautiful has not yet occurred to my daughter. She's eight. I know how young that is, and yet in today's society, where we're constantly bombarded from a young age with images of beauty depicted as only the skinniest of skinny, where diet pill ads are everywhere, where the "before" picture depicts an already lovely woman, a woman generally not really at a bad weight, our self-image is under attack from the time we start seeing these ads.
Somehow, though, my girl hasn't yet taken these to heart. She puts on what she likes and it doesn't matter what anyone says. She admires herself in the mirror. She's satisfied with what she sees, for now. She still thinks I'm beautiful, in spite of my own unintentional sabotage. In spite of my loose lips around her vulnerable ears. In spite of my own harsh criticism of myself within her earshot.
I'm lucky. She's lucky. She hasn't been damaged beyond repair. I can still change what I say of myself, of beauty, of health.
If I tell her how beautiful she is (I do) and yet in front of her, I complain that I'm fat and disgusting, I counter the compliments I give her. She looks just like me. People call her my mini-me. And if she's my mini-me and I'm fat, does that not make her fat? Right now, she thinks I'm beautiful and is proud to look like me. And whether or not she looks like me, her self-worth as she grows is inextricably tied up in the way I talk about myself, and also in the way we talk about other people. The way we place a value on beauty standards, particularly cookie-cutter beauty standards. In the message that breasts should all be full and round and even, lips shiny and red, stomachs flat. The way a person who is "less beautiful" becomes almost invisible. Because they're less valuable.
My daughter should never view herself as an ornament. Ornaments are for the pleasure of everyone but the ornament itself; her value should never become tied up in her appearance or in others' opinions of her. Her soul is beautiful, and that is where her value lies. Society should hold no weight on the value of her body because that's not where her value lies. It's not tied to the way she dresses or how much or little of her body she covers up regardless of her size. Her body and any value she attaches to it is her own. And that will be applied by the ideas that we, that I demonstrate for her.
Value us as humans, not because we look beautiful but because we act beautifully. Value kindness and intelligence (everyone has their own kind of intelligence! Everyone.), our wisdom and humor. Value our quirks, our individuality. Let us be proud of what we're born with.
