Today is my 7th wedding anniversary. Instead of planning a nice dinner and night aoone with my husband, I went and arranged his memorial service, and, at the funeral director's suggestion, set up an "in lieu of flowers" account with my bank.

it wasn't as rough of a day as it sounds. My emotions have been much more stable today than they have been since Friday. I got kind of weepy a few times but no all-out meltdowns. And for the first time since Karl died, I was able to eat a real meal and hold it down, too. Progress!

Olivia is in denial. She avoids the subject if her dad at all costs. When pressed she shows little emotion. I suppose she'll let it out when she's ready. The boys are letting it out at least. Luke is weepy, Seth is having angry outbursts and has decided that all repigion is a lie, there is no God, and prayer is a waste of time. I suppose to a 9 year old who just spent two years begging God to save his dad only to have it end this way, faith is hard to hang on to. I know he's been having doubts about God for some time, but Karl's death really cemented it in his mind.