Karl passed tonight just after 7. I was there, holding his hand, crying.
I don't know what to feel. I feel everything. Shock and grief and hyper and relief and disbelief. Like, my whole life has revolved around this for two years, and now it's gone. I have nothing to orbit.
I want to bounce on the bed, and curl up in a ball and cry, and throw every breakable item in my cupboard at a wall, and have a bottle of wine, and dig a big hole, and bang my head into my desk all at once.
What I do NOT want is company. Except for a very few select friends and family, I just want everyone else to stay away. And I think I'm perfectly entitled to do this alone if I want, if I need to. I don't have it in me to comfort anyone other than my kids, or to be comforted, either.